Electric Guitar Echoes....

Flash back -

Sitting in a bar

Sipping sweet wine..

Long hair tied,

Raunchy rockgod wannabe -

Electric guitar..

Screaming out catastrophe!

Man of wild sexuality!

Walking to his flat..

Echoing electricity

6 years together -

Beared the stormy weather..

20 years on..

Respect, still, good discussions.

We bore a child,

My first -

We loved him to bits -

You became stale -

Bored yourself,

Had rage fits!

New woman, you found..

But that was OK, our love -

No more bound.

Departed your shores,

Belongings? The son you bore -

My life felt alive,

To be with you no more.

Danish Desire

Winter 1988

The Lake of Love

Frans,

Beautiful, Frans.

We met in that bar..

On that cold, crispy night,

You thought you knew me..

I think that was just your universal way of connecting.

You -

The Free Spirit,

Swedish/Spanish/Danish,

A mane of dark wonder..

Green eyes like no other,

Skin -

Olivy, silky,

You could've been a woman -

You were SO beautiful..

You, the wild wolf,

Let loose in the forest..

Cheek and jaw bones to die for,

A heart as free and romantic to cry for..

That day on the lake -

Was like no other..

We 'felt' in love,

Happiness and laughter,

Lying down in trees..

Happy ever after!

I still think of you today,

and.. wonder where you are in this world,

Did you travel?

Peru?

Around the world?

Have you got children?

Married?

A girl?

For you showed me a love

A passion,

A longing,

That then, was new to me,

You mesmerised,

that night -

Candlelight

On the floor..

In your tiny flat,

Bed with stilts,

Fluffy, warm quilts,

We were lions in our den..

You leapt..

I sighed..

You returned..

I denied..

What the Danes did for me...

Reminded me what it was, to be open hearted, sincere, honest, respectful, loving, free, giving, admiration of all, empathic, understanding and most of all, saved me.

My parents, friends, school, music, sub cultures, England and Denmark made me who I am. Of course, I believe we are all born with certain characteristics but the nurturing we receive, in whatever way, makes and defines who we are..

ME?
The Drama Queen,
The singer in the garden,
On the makeshift stage,
Letting out my rage,
Turning life's page.
Laughing and smiling,
Sparkly eyes crying.
Extrovertly shy.
Wore my heart on my sleeve -
Always believe.


To be continued

Expectations

Throughout our lives, we grow up to believe that we'll meet someone, get married, have kids, live happily ever after. We take a bite from the fruit and hope it doesn't turn sour. BUT life gets in the way, money destroys, temptations arise, boredom suffices. The romantic dream gets CRUSHED.

Romance is a beautiful thought. Dreams are wonderment to another world..Feeling the love from another, is one of the greatest feelings that can not be bought or commodified, it simply exists and evolves.

I eternally believe in LOVE. Even though my own experiences have been sweet and sour. I wanted to replicate my Mother and Father, but alas, I didn't and haven't. So relationship experiences change over time..and we CAN NOT beat ourselves up for expecting things to trun out a certain way when they don't..

Life and LOVE must wonder on...

Fight or Flight?

Present day -

Oh A, why did you have to run?.....

I made a Newspaper Phallus..

Don't you know?

I never got to tell you so..

Why were you so callous?

Runs and flies..

Your ego -

Do you fight?

I wished you would talk

Further -

Explaining the furore..

Why leave me in isolation?

When I loved our energy connection...

Complimentary perfection.

All of them hours,

In each others' arms,

Under the rug..

Warm and smug.

Wild,

Free,

Listening intently..

Loud,

No clouds..

Easy, loving connection..

Spanish Champagne -

Long afternoons,

Bed was our heaven,

Being away from you -

Was my hell..

I started to deeply fall -

Your heart - didn't hear me call..

I opened,

Gave the chance..

Saw the truth in you,

Your beauty shone through.

The smile that attracted,

Feels lost now

Fractured.

That hair that tumbled,

Needs to be smoothed and fumbled..

Pick up the pieces again,

Come smiling to my heart...

First Love

Michael, my first love, (1986-88) 2 years of fun, yet insecurities and indecision. I wasn't attracted to you initially. You weren't a classically handsome man, but you were a charmer and a gentleman. You knew how to treat a 'lady', as I was back then. A young, naive, lady.

First love,

Met on the stairs -

Party - Forest Road West,

Loud music, we chatted our best!

Swept me off my feet,

Lost my secure balance,

Took me on a dance,

Dirtied pure white sheets..

Cramped, eastern inspired Bedsit -

Reading, cosy, nights lit,

Playing, laughing, loving,

Vodka fuelled rants, jealous fits!

Flirting with others,

Not me,

Fuelling an anger -

Never seen..

Security with you - never there -

Messy emotions - OW!

Get OUT of my hair!!

One minute you loved me -

Next, you didn't care!

Spend our life together?

No wait, there's a world out there!

First rejection

Crucified my heart,

Tore my world apart,

Knocked me black and blue,

Left

In a darkened hue..

Life almost ended,

Truly comprehended..

Electrical short circuit

In rememberance of a relationship (1995 - 2006) that went sour because escapism for many men, seems to be the way they cope with emotions or indeed, boredom..To be on the receiving end, as a woman, is no easy feat...

The Playstation,

Electric Heroin -

Addicted to the night,

Causing lovers to fight..

Mothers to cry..

A deep, sorrowful sigh..

Escapism of desire,

Sparks of anger, not fire...

Death of affection -

Electric shock disconnection.

Try to entice?

Electric heroin will suffice!

Naked, in the face,

Formula 1, what a Race!

Boredom and lonely,

Need to meet the -

ONE AND ONLY!

Playstation

Burn in Hell!

Electric addiction?

Imposible to quell..

Now who's sad?

Who feels so bad..

Years I tried, tried, tried...

Eons I cried

Earthy? Me?

Rewind to March 2005 and this is where my life, as it had been for 8 or so years, started to really change and metamorphosise, in so many ways. Unhappily plodding along, I was awoken.
Not forgetting that in this time space too, was much heartbreak; running (once again from the man) messing me around and playing with my heart.
To play with a person's heart is wrong. Of course, we must forgive people and forget but when you've been choked by emotion and loss, then I know that it is essentially WRONG to play with other's emotions..
I try and remember the sweetness of this period and the happiness that reigned but quite a lot of this period was also tarnished with a low, heavy heart..this is not good and on reflection, I will never allow myself to go down these destructive roads again with anyone. Moving on and thinking about the memories of this time, I wrote this poem..

You said of me -

That I smelled Earthy..

This made me feel

Worthy..

Of your heavenly Love.

Your flaming desire -

Set my heart on Fire.

You opened the door,

That April eve..

Golden and light -

Your smile I received.

Minds connected -

Thoughts shared,

My watery hair.

Fooled By the Red Rose

Rose of Entrapment

Red roses,

Are NOT beautiful.

They signify -

Cliches, lies,

The truth?

Buried, deep down inside..

Ruby, velvety petals -

Contain a sting so sharp,

Leaves -The skin unsettled...

Crawling,

Another calling..

Poisonous red -

Wilting head.

Offered from necessity,

Such depravity.

A waste of nature -

Toxicated love,

Winding their branches,

Trapping butterflies above..